Now: November 2015
Today I’m writing from Venice, Italy where I been for about a week. I will be here for about another 10 days. I came here to clear my head, get some distance, stumble across a new perspective. Or maybe I was looking for an old perspective I lost track of.
In what seems now a former life, I lived here in Italy for approximately 7 years. I went to University here. I spent my first years of marriage here. My son, Diego, was born here. That was 18 years ago now.
I have been back since, but the trips have been “vacations”. This time, I am not looking to experience a vacation, which I interpret as an entertaining break from life. This time around I am searching to find a little more of who I used to be.
Life, over the last five years has been tough, personally, and easy, professionally.
Personally, I have struggled with losing the final member of my family of origin, my grandfather Jesus, who lived with us the final years of his life. You see, I lost my own parents and siblings some time ago in a tragic accident. I lived years afterwards in transition, mostly though, my steadfast place was with my grandparents. Loving my grandfather then, was losing the last person who remembered me as a child, remembered my sisters and parents, remembered “us”, all as a family. It has been a lot to let go of, and a lot of weight to carry– all this remembering, on my own now. I’m only 42, by the way, in case you are wondering. It seems a little too young to have a family of ghost, but, apparently not.
I love my ghosts. They haunt me wonderfully and I think of them everyday, just in flashes sometimes, but they are here. The problem is, I have to be very present and quiet to pick up on the flashes.
Being better equipt to pick up in the flashes is what I’m working on here in Italy. I find long vaporetto rides in the fog with my baby Cecilia are good for that.
Oh yes, that is what else I’m doing now. I’m a “new” mommy again. It is the fourth time now I can say that. Add my two step-babies, whom I’ve known since they were infants and toddlers, and at a full house. Six children in total. So you can understand why I needed to regroup. 😉
Seriously, being a Mother again has changed a lot in my life, including the nature of my work. Which brings me to the part where it has been easy.
In 2009 I decided to get into coaching full-time. Prior to that I had began grown and sold two successful businesses, so setting up shop to coach was like playing house. I loved the work immediately and I can honestly say, nothing in my professional life has been as rewarding as working with clients. Contributing to others through my Coaching work has helped me fall in live with the human spirit and our capacity for healing, growth and change. And I’m good at this– I mean, really in the flow of catching my clients, holding space for them, confronting when needing to, and always keeping them in unconditional positive regard. It has been wonderful. And easy. And perhaps a little too easy.
So I am looking here again, in Italy, in the perpetual foggy days of Venice, in myself, for a challenge. I’m looking for some of my old fire and hustle, the stuff I came back rate side with so many years back, to start my first business. I’m looking for the late nights and early mornings. I’m looking for the consuming creativity and the determination to make the next breakthrough. I’m looking to conquer the world, which realistically just means to conqure the most complacent parts of myself. I am looking to grow. Again.
Concretly, while I am here in Italy I am working on the following, specifically:
- Finish facilitating my 39 Days of Gratitude circle. This will serve as a pilot for an online master class and coaching project.
- Get clear on my agenda and goals in working with my own coach.
- Bring value and contribution to The Hero’s Challenge Mastermind Group, which I am honored to be a part of. Spaces are still available– but not for long. So, “act now, think fast, and don’t let life pass you by.” Seriously, check out the page, it might be just for you.
- Take care of baby. Which is what I always do– but we are alone, and far from home, and she only has me at the moment. I love how close we have become during this time, yet know she needs all her family again, soon.
I think that’s it. I will update my “now” page upon my return in December.
Looking Forward, Carmen